Written by Brian Grimchops

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Friday, 22 January 2010

image for Shaking Stevens is cured!
Shaky's uncle Shaky Varra last night

Pop star Shaking Stevens has finally been cured of his shakieness.

"I'm no longer Shakey" he said to an adoring throng of mongoloids who gathered outside This Ole House yesterday, singing songs, hugging and drooling all over the shop.

Stevens, who now wishes to be known as Stevens, couldn't quite remember when he first started shaking, but was glad to finally put those shaking days behind him.

An army of angry fans are expected to descend upon This Ole House today, as many feel they have been sold out by the shamed former shaker.

"To us, Shakey was a spokesperson, not just for all people who shake, but for all of the mongs, gongs, spongs, spangs, spazzies, wheelchaireds and flids in the world. A light has gone out in our hearts"

"Ummm...fengy gum fengy" said another Shakey fan.

Stevens (real name Shakey) said yesterday his fans needn't fear the worst, as he'll still be playing all of his old favourites. Green Door.

Sales of denim jackets, brylcreem and white plimpsoles are expected to plummet. The Prime Minister held emergency talks this morning, and is expected to declare martial law on all tumshies who own a Shaking Stevens record, scarf or t-shirt.

Special schools shall be provided for all Shakey fans.

Stevens was reported to be "All Shook Up" by this news, and as news of this new era of shakiness was revealed, everything was business as usual.

"I'm glad to be back to my shakey roots, said Shakey, who now wishes to be known as Shakey.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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