CHICAGO - Simon Cowell replied that if the wannabe American Idol Chicago contestants would have spent half as much time practicing their singing as they do cussing, cursing, and acting like uncivilized gang-banger punks, they might have handed out more than just 13 measly yellow 'goin' to Hollywood' tickets.
Randy Jackson, who has been told by the AI producers to limit his uttering of the word dawg to two times per hour, wondered if maybe the merciless wind that blows off of Lake Michigan may have had something to do with the fact that about 85% of the singers sang extremely high.
Kara DioGuardi, who recently put out an exercise video called, DioGuardi Dancing To The Ditties By The Doors, said that she didn't think so.
She then added that for some reason Chicago just does not seem to have anywhere near its share of singers.
She then pointed out that Chicago does have a lot of comedians, in comedy groups like Second City, Chi-Chi City, The Cub Sox Troupe, and The Al Capone Theater Mob. But Kara did point out that good singers are about as rare as a snow sled in the Kalahari Desert.
Guest judge Shania Twain, who looked simply marvelous dressed in her low cut pink tank top and shocking pink miniskirt, replied that she had never seen so many lousy singers in one place, with the one possible exception of Pocatello, Idaho.
Twain looked fantabulous and Simon could be heard whispering to her that he would probably reach under the table and touch her thighs and for her not to make a big deal out of it because he used to do that to Paula (Abdul) all the time and it positively flattered the heck out of her. Shania just smiled and nodded her head.
In other news. A reliable White House source has said that Vice-President Joe Biden is simply fit to be tied because President Obama has given his White House parking space to Oprah (Winfrey) and moved his (Biden's) parking space four spaces down, between Nancy Pelosi's and Shakira's.