Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: The Bachelor

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

image for The Bachelor - Vienna Endears Herself To Jake By Bungee Jumping With Him Off A Bridge
Vienna Girardi showing off her fine-looking puppies.

LOS ANGELES - On the latest episode of The Bachelor, the girl who has become the one that all of the other girls despise is Vienna.

But 23-year-old Vienna is no dummy. She agrees to go bungee-jumping with Jake (Pavelka), even though she is frightened beyond belief of heights.

Vienna, a penguin trainer from Sanford, Florida, does it to show the Bachelor that she is just not another pretty blonde, but instead is just another pretty blonde with balls.

The other girls unofficially form Team We Hate Vienna's Guts and Her Big Tits. Vienna cannot be bothered in the least by the other girls ganging up on her.

Vi, as her high school gym teacher called her, was born and raised in Florida, and the girl has seen her share of horrendous hurricanes, alligator attacks, crocodile chases, voting chad irregularities, and flamingo peckings.

One of the 'green with envy' girls Maryland native Ashleigh, who works as a French fry manager in a McDonald's in her home town says that Vienna's name fits her perfectly because the masculine way she is acting, she probably does have a Vienna Sausage in the crotch of her undies.

Vienna just laughs, she shoots Ashleigh the finger, and replies that she would rather have a Vienna Sausage any day than a stale, tasteless Dunkin' Donut like she has.

Ashleigh gets up and runs towards the bathroom holding her hand to her mouth to avoid getting vomit all over the place.

Tenley and Kathryn, who are both 25, take off after Ashleigh to go and try and comfort her, or maybe just to make sure that she doesn't throw up all over their Nike sneakers which are all lined up inside the bathroom.

Meanwhile Ali, the Massachusetts motel maid; and Gia, the Tampon model from the Big Apple (New York City) are laughing out loud and both agree that Ashleigh is one 'sissy girl' female bitch who loves to dish it out but who can't take it.

Jessie, who drives a snowplow up in Ontario, Canada, looks puzzled and bewildered and she asks, "What's a Vienna Sausage?"

In an unrelated television story. An NBC high level executive has stated off-the-record that before Jay Leno was offered to take the Tonight Show over from Conan O'Brien, the host's job was first offered to Miley Cyrus, Richard Simmons, and Condoleezza Rice, who all turned it down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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