Heidi Montag, the illustrious Blond Bombshell from Monsanto, is now burbling forth Mark McGwire style and revealing to the public that she is "just another bubble head experiment gone wild for mad plastic surgeons".
Heidi covered some of the myriads of knife and needle niceties she has had so far, including two (2) tummy tucks to make her belly to appear with no flab, three boob jobs, (two for enlargement and one to make both the same size) one butt cheek lift job so both butt cheeks will wiggle the same when she runs in photo shoots, left and right upper thigh liposuction to preserve the "nubile look", rhinoplasty for a "big nose" scale down & rework, chin and lip augmentation to appear more voluptuous, and plastic injections wherever age lines start to appear such as the crease of her ass. In addition she stated that her naturally dark pubic hair has been replaced with blond AstroTurf from Monsanto which is expected to last through tomorrow-land.
Before requiring new batteries and a windup, Heidi indicated that her warranties were good ones, and that she should be operable for some number of years before scheduled maintenance. As a result of the interview and dazzling display, young girls all over the U.S. are reported lining up for similar surgeries. The last information received was that the U.S. Government had stepped into the picture and was preparing a "preferred" set of specs so all young women can later be identified by number sequences and chip implants.
Hmmmm, let's see, I kinda think I want a Blond Number 1 with a #4 Boob Set, size 2 hips, definitely tight, type #2 Ass, with medium lips on both ends, butt slap squeal control and Oh Yeah, blue eyes, that would be good, blue eyes.
Better yet, I'll take two to go.
Reporting form Tomorrow Land,