American nobody Limp Nobody-Taylor was today honored to receive the American Least Interesting Human In History award today in Little Point, Arkansasaw.
Speaking at the ceremony for the uncoveted title she said: 'I just want to thank the US television stations for putting me on their shows, I have never done a single thing worth talking about so am the number one news story in the United States of America.'
'Along with Mel Cruise, Denzel Boringham, Madonna Transeckless and Hillary Hotelton. I will carry on talking to fill in this story as nothing of importance has happened in America for the last 200 years. Apart from a black man having big teeth and becoming the leader of the free world. Only joking! He's what those Brits call 'a token drama queen', with about as much real power as an American sportsman.'
Limper Taybore has become an icon to millions of Americans by achieving what many thought was the impossible - to not only become famous for no reason at all, but also to get lots of children thinking he was important. 'Well, I am important - to children', Misty Taysnore said in defence of being the least interesting human being on the planet, 'lots of them write about me in between drinking milk and crying about nasty grown-up jibes about America.'
'In fact they write about nothing else. Paint drying would be more interesting than the total boredom of even thinking about my pointless and brain-numbingly boring existence. Which is why I'm a celebrity in the USA - the Uninteresting Side of the Atlantic.'
Katy Rushbore Tayling will also soon be joining the American Hall of Boredom and will be inducted into it by every US politician since 1945, every US film star since 1955, and every US writer since 1723. Speaking from The Little House that is Israeli, President Barack Hussein Omaha had this to say about the uninteresting Mailer Limpough:
'Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, come this far, yes we can, blah blah blah blah, more troops means less, lie lie lie lie lie', and was promptly given the Least Interesting Human in History (runners-up) award by Miss Blimpbaum himself.
More self-important nobodies that nobody outside of the USA is even vaguely interested in will be on US news tonight. Including the US President.