Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 16 January 2010

image for Kate Gosselin's New Hairdo Helps Her Snag Orlando Bloom
Orlando Bloom in a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl.

Kate Gosselin of the old Jon and Kate Plus 8 reality show was in town looking for a deal on a brand new SUV.

Kate was told that if you buy a vehicle in Detroit you can save as much as $3,000. She added that since her divorce she is on a tight budget and so she figured she would visit MoTown and get some new divorcée wheels.

The newly single Gosselin, who is 34, looks great with her new $7,000 blonde extensions. She was asked how the eight kids are doing. She smiled and said that they were okay for the most part.

She added that the youngest sextuplet Joel accidentally set fire to the backyard gazebo and it burned down completely to the ground.

She remarked that another sextuplet Leah Hope accidentally super glued their pet cat Fancy Sox to their pet dog Firecracker.

Kate said that by the time she was able to unglue the two, Firecracker had chewed off Fancy Sox' tail and Fancy Sox had scratched off most of the hair from Firecracker's groin region.

Gosselin was asked about the rumor that she had recently been seen walking hand in hand with Orlando Bloom, the British actor, at a mall in Pittsburgh.

Kate's eyes lit up and her cheeks turned a little pink. She said that it was true and that she had actually met him through her hairstylist. Kate got Orlando's email address and she wrote him asking if she could have an autographed photo for her kids.

She told him that all of her eight kids love his Will Turner character that he portrayed in his three Pirates of The Caribbean movies, The Curse of The Black Pearl, Dead Man's Chest, and At World's End.

Orlando was so thrilled that he actually called up Kate and asked her if he could go over to her house and personally deliver the signed 8 by 10 photo in person.

Kate said that she got so excited that she almost swallowed her tongue and one of her tonsils, but she was able to somehow say yes.

Bloom went over the next day. He gave the Gosselin kids all kinds of pirate toys and trinkets. He even gave them a life-size inflatable doll of his character Will Turner.

Kate said that he asked her to get a babysitter and the two went out. Kate said that while she was with Orlando she experienced some feelings down in her (blank) that she had not experienced in five years.

Orlando was asked what he thought about Kate Gosselin. He said that he really likes her new long tresses look. He also remarked that he was thrilled at the fact that Kate had told him that he and Jon are the only two men who have seen her extremely intimate tattoo.

In other news. Sarah Palin has finally admitted that she really cannot see Russia from her home. She said that she just made up that story to impress the voters.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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