Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 14 January 2010

image for Local Man Mistaken For Robert Pattinson
Wow! Robert Pattinson! Buying Fish Fingers! Locally!

For local man, Martin Shuttlecock, it should have been a routine visit to the local supermarket to stock up on winter essentials. Being a sensible individual, Shuttlecock dressed sensibly in his best winter attire, topped off with a woolly hat and a warm overcoat.

He had been in the supermarket for a matter of minutes and was studying the heating instructions on a Pukka pie when a teenage girl pointed at him excitedly and declared in a loud voice that he was Robert Pattinson, Edward out of the Twilight vampire movies.

A sizable crowd of excited teens quickly gathered, with more joining them as the 'Robert Pattinson' sighting was publicised by local radio DJ Jules Crown. Shuttlecock could only gawp in amazement as the crowd's ranks swelled and swelled in the pies and sausages aisle.

"When they started moving towards me, I had no option other than to make a break for it," Shuttlecock told us.

The beleagured victim of mistaken identity took to his heels, abandoning his shopping trolley, and sought refuge in the pet food aisle, before moving on to the deli counter.

Fortunately for Shuttlecock, alert store manageress Ava Niceday had been watching developments on CCTV in the security office, and she came to his rescue, hustling him through a partially concealed emergency exit, through the stockroom and out into the underground car park, from where he managed to flee unmolested.

Following the incident, and trembling visibly as he sipped a cup of Tetley tea, Shuttlecock told us:

"The girl who started it all off must have had really bad eyesight - she was wearing glasses with really thick lenses. I mean, I don't look anything like Robert bloody Pattinson. The whole thing was just one big farce."

More madness, mockery and mistaken identity as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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