BOSTON - After sitting at the judges table and keeping a rather low-profile while judging the American Idol contestant wannabees Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice finally showed her claws.
She jumped at Simon when she felt that he had been overly rude to one of the contestants Bosa Mora, whose parents are from Nigeria. Cowell told him that he was boring, and on top of that he was very dull, and on top of that he had a bit of a Nigerian accent.
Victoria, or Lady V, as Randy (Jackson) referred to her told Simon that she did not like his pompous, holier-than-thou attitude.
Cowell told her that her ugly dark lace headband was apparently putting way to much pressure around her head.
She replied that he was one to talk sitting there in his underwear (white t-shirt). She then asked him why when he's in America he dresses all sloppy in his white, black, and gray t-shirts, but whenever he's back in England appearing on X-Factor he is dressed in a great looking suit and tie.
He told her that he had not noticed. She then told him to notice this and she shot him the finger. He grabbed her finger and bent it back.
She screamed and he quickly let it go. She then said that since he thinks he knows it all she wanted for him to sing a song and show Bosa Mora how it is done.
Cowell declined saying that he does not need to sing shite (shit) since, truth be told, he is the Godfather of American Idol.
Judge Kara DioGuardi asked if that was the equivalent of Elton John being Sir Elton, the Duchess of Great Britain.
Randy chimed in by saying that truth be told, Simon looked more like he could portray the part of the Queen Mother with his man-boobs showing through his white t-shirt.
Cowell told Randy that he was one to talk and that at least he (Simon) did not look like he was nine months pregnant and on the verge of having his water break at any moment.
Victoria, who looks like maybe she eats once every two or three days, said that if she wanted to hear this much bickering she would get a gig judging on either America's Dancing With The Stars or its British equivalent Strictly Come Dancing.
Simon asked her how in the world she had gotten so skinny. He told her that she looked like Calista Flockhart, except only a little taller, much darker, and without a boyfriend who was actually old enough to be her granddad.
Bosa Mora finally stepped in. "Hey folks, how about me? Am I effen goin' to Hollywood or not?"
Cowell asked. "Are you still here? I gave you a 'no.'"
Beckham jumped in and said that she and Kara and Randy had given him a 'yes' so Bosa Mora was going to be heading to Hollywood.
The camera zoomed in on Simon and for those who can't read lips whispered, "Darn bloomin' blimey Americans. And damn that Lord Cornwallis for not trying harder 229 years ago."
In other news. A critic for The Boston Herald Harker noted that the ex-Spice Girl, Mrs. Beckham has such a dark tan that she almost beat out Randy as being the darkest of the four judges.