The seven dwarves, who marched to their jobs in their diamond mine singing "High Ho, High Ho, it's off to work we go" have finally admitted to the identity of their "high ho." The woman, whose name has been kept secret by the group for several years, was finally outed the group.
"We've decided that it's time we tell the world. The fact that this woman stole diamonds from us to fund her cocaine habit has nothing to do with it," said Doc. "Snow White was not the girl...she came along later. She had a drug problem also, but she was never a whore (or "ho," as we sang in our song)."
"We've got to stop protecting that drugged out skank," said Grumpy. "When we say that she was a high ho, she really was. Maybe Alice in Wonderland was okay when she was younger, but those drugs really fried her damned brain and turned her into this skinny little crack whore."
Dopey said "everyone thinks that I got her started on the blow, but it wasn't me....she had a different source...yes, the call me Dopey, but I ain't the only dealer around."
Sleepy said that "I probably spent the most time in bed with her. She always was a good lay."
Sneezy admitted that they had done cocaine together on occasion, but said that his current condition was due to a cold (and not the result of any powder in his nose).
Bashful refused to be interviewed for this piece.
Alice is currently in a drug treatment program at the Betty Ford Clinic. She still claims to have seen white rabbits, talking playing cards, and invisible cats during her LSD trips.
Happy declined to be interviewed, but said that she was glad she was getting the help that she needed.