The Facial Shock Diva was apparently cussing and strutting through airport security with something other than her naturally sickening 30-22-23 figure when Air Marshals insisted that she strip to reveal what she was hiding under her bra. The smirking Marshals were soon taken aback by more than just a notch in the crotch.
Instead, Winehouse quickly turned on the Marshals, dropped her britches and let loose a REAL F-Bomb of the sizzling silent but deadly type, sending the Marshals to the Airport Infirmary - without the smirks.
After the splattering, the bottomless Winehouse tossed her foam padded top and revealed a no-tit torso that would rival any twelve year old boy. Gawking passengers dropped jaws and gasped at the freakish sight; whispering under their breath the suggestion that the musical flopper "get a face transplant" and "grow some boobs".
Paparazzi at the scene were unable to capture photos of the macabre celeb as she cartwheeled naked onto the plane from the loading ramp. One stated that he had been "blinded by the blight" and simply could not see through the lens of his camera, while another said his eyes were in pain so much just looking, that his tear ducts were in overdrive and he could not "see the damn thing", thus saving his eye sight.
It is unknown whether any passengers were turned into a pillar of salt for looking twice at the ungodly sight, but some religious leaders such as Al Sharpton are suggesting this may have occurred.
Winehouse, heading out for a 47 stop musical screech menagerie tour under the Barnum Tent, said only "I might just ditch my fiance and marry Michael Jackson instead." With that, Winehouse ripped another one in the direction of a stewardess, smiled and continued on her way.
Rather a perfect match, one would think!
Reporting from Heathrow,