Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 8 January 2010

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75 Today. Uh-Huh

Fans today gathered in their thousands at Graceland to commemorate what would have been Elvis Presley's 75th birthday, had he still been alive.

The singer, once known as the King, collapsed and died whilst on the toilet sometime in the 1970's, as his internal organs burst following a binge eating session during which he hoovered up around two hundred double cheeseburgers.

Elvis, who sang one of the gayest songs ever (Jailhouse Rock) was not in fact gay, but he was a bit fat towards the end.

Fans flocked from all over the world to pay tribute to the late all singing, movie acting, karate black belt ex GI hero's could have been birthday.

A candlelit vigil was held, fans sang Elvis songs (quite badly it must be said) with reverence, and scoffed cheeseburgers in tribute.

We asked one fan, Derek Grimshaw, of Burnley, England, what Elvis meant to him.

"Oh I've not come here for Elvis," he told us. "I've come here to remember me mate, Steve. Eeh, he were a grand lad, Steve were. Salt o'th'earth like..."


"Aye," Grimshaw told us in a breaking voice. "He were up a step ladder paperin' t' ceiling when it come oer t radio that Elvis had pegged it. Steve fell off ladder, in shock like. Cracked his napper on doorframe. Never woke up. Bastard sin and a shame it were. Grand lad Steve. Loved Elvis he did."

An Elvis 75th Memorial Service due to be held at Guildford Cathedral in the UK was called off at the last minute when an alert churchgoer spotted a snowflake.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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