Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 8 January 2010

image for Mariah Carey Still Explaining Acceptance Speech
One of many recent Carey Gowns, massive cleavage just off camera.

Using the relatively negative press coverage over her recent attempt at an acceptance speech for winning this year's "Breakthrough Actress Award", Carey and her publicists are spinning her poor showing on stage with follow up explanations and photo ops.

While music industry insiders have branded her public relations tactics as "Skillful", Carey continues to dance around the fact that she needed to be literally walked up to the podium and escorted off, while slurring and giggling through her way through the evening.

New PR man for Carey, Dewey Fibber, has been directing Carey to appear in public as many times as she can, with a low-cut evening gown, push up bra and spray tan at the ready. "We think Mariah just needs to explain the innocent circumstances around her speech as often as she gets the chance", says Fibber.

That appears to be nightly. Even dedicated Carey fans see the ruse, including the use of photo ops to feature her squeezed into another piece of couture. "She would look more age appropriate and believable in a twin set and slacks", says local chapter fan club member Adrian Analway. "Lately she looks, a bit less believable".

Others at Carey's latest "accidental" public appearance were less accommodating. "If you can shift your focus away from the glitter spray on her massive hooters, she sort of looks like a walrus in a white sequined tube sock", said one male passerby.

Fibber disagrees, or at least attempted to earn his pay by spinning that criticism. "Mariah isn't a teeny bopper singer anymore. She is a mature, voluptuous, sexy woman." Fibber looked and nodded to the crowd who had gathered for his interview, in an attempt to draw some sympathy agreement.

The distinct sound of crickets could be heard in the background.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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