The BBC's highest-paid star, chat show host Jonathan Ross, is to leave the corporation in July after 13 years because he is not gay enough.
The news was announced last week, and Ross will leave his Friday night BBC1 slot in the summer, and his radio show as well. Favourites to succeed him include the extraordinarily ultra-gay Graham Norton.
Speaking about not being gay, Ross said in an interview that, although he had often thought about tampering with rear admirals, he'd never got around to it.
Ross was involved in shenanigans lasy year with the bearded freak Russell Brand, when the pair left lurid messages on the answerphone of former Fawlty Towers star, Manuel Sachs. He's from Barcelona, you know.
It's been reported that the contract Ross had with the BBC was worth £18m, so he probably won't give a fuck about leaving, and will, likely as not, end up on ITV anyway, spouting more of his lisped comments.