Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 7 January 2010

image for Rev. Al Sharpton Defends Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson, one of the few people who has defended Tiger Woods.

TUPELO, Mississippi - The Rev. Al Sharpton was in town speaking before a conference of The African-American Black Coalition To Unite And Form A Black Alliance.

He was asked if he felt that black people in the south were finally being treated fairly.

The reverend answered, "Well now dat depends on what jer definition of fairly be and who you also be."

He went on to say "Now if you be a professional player such as a member of da New Orleans Saints, da Atlanta Braves, or da Orlando Magic, then yes I would say dat you be gettin' treated fairly. But now if you just be's plain old Tyrone Washington, a fry cook at McDonald's den I say dat you not be gettin' treated fairly."

Sharpton was asked what he thought about Jessica Simpson, a white woman defending Tiger Woods. He smiled and said that he had no problem with that.

He went on to say that Simpson has been really getting a bad rap from the sports media, the music media, and the acting media.

The reverend said that ever since that Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romeo (Romo) dumped her sweet little a*s, she has been having bad luck.

He went on to say that shortly after that she was out skinny dipping in her backyard when all of a sudden a damn Chumpacandelabra (Chupacabra) came out of nowhere and snatched her little dog.

And after that she gained about 27 pounds and started looking like sister Oprah, bless her heart. An then the shit really hit the fan when she was caught doing 87 mph in a 10 mph school zone.

Sharpton said that the girl has just had one long streak of bad luck. He pointed out that he will be meeting with Ms. Simpson sometime within the next two weeks to help her deal with the depressed state of depression that she is currently experiencing.

In other news. The Republic of Mexico has just announced the construction of the largest maracas factory in the world. Mexican President Nacho Winslow has said that the government owned maracas factory will give preferential hiring consideration to any illegal aliens who may be in the United States.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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