Spoof writer and union rabble rouser Ian Skoobinski was taken to a local hospital after being discovered in a drunk and catatonic state. His wife found him passed out by his favorite recliner and in front of their television set. A study of television programming reveals that he may be in a coma due to the loss of his favorite football team against an inferio opponent.
When asked if she'd ever seen her husband this way before, Mrs. Skoobinski said, "Sure, he's always drunk. The coma is something new, but drunk is his regular condition."
Doctors discovered a blood alchohol level twelve times the legal limit and quickly hooked up an IV of pure ethanol. "We've had old Skoob in here on other occasions and his normal rate is usually three times this. He may get better if we pump some more booze into him."
After 24 hours, there was no change in the catatonia and Skoobinski was a little less drunk.
Man U., the favorite team of "old Skoob," had just lost an exhibition game against the Americans. His wife said "I think this may have pushed him over the edge. I know he was sure to take a ribbing from his friends in the States after this one. It probably had him crying in his beer and he probably went into a coma from the pure shock of it."
The current treatment for his condition is having people wave flags around his head and cheer on his team. He has also been dressed in his favorite football jersey and has a pennant and giant foam finger in his hands. DVDs of winning soccer matches are being played constantly on the television set in his hospital room.
None of this, however, has had an effect and doctors are stymied as to another possible cure. "I think," said his wife, "that he may just pop out of this in time for the next game and demand a beer, but I just not sure."
Meanwhile, Skoob has received dozens of well wishes from his friends, neighbors, co-workers, and fellow fans. He has also received a dozen "we beat your ass" cards and telegrams from the American Spoof writers and one saying "bet you're embarrased now, you pussy" from Fergus McCarthy of Ireland.