Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Susan Boyle, Texas

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

image for ZZ Top To Open For Susan Boyle In Houston
The members of ZZ Top listening to Adam Lambert sing the Star Spangled Banner at a Houston Rockets basketball game.

HOUSTON - The little ol' band from Texas, ZZ Top has just celebrated their 40th year in the rock and roll business.

And the word on the streets of Houston is that the band has agreed to open up for Susan Boyle when she performs at The Oil Well Dome in downtown Houston.

Lead guitarist Billy Gibbons said that he heard Susan's version of the song "Wild Horses" and said that the ol' gal from Scotland literally blew his boxer shorts right off his ass.

Bass player Dusty Hill said that when he first saw Boyle on the Internet singing "I Dreamed A Dream" he just about peed all over himself from the sensational sensation he got from hearing her melodic four note chord scale progression.

ZZ Top has just returned from a sold-out 31 city tour of Japan. The drummer Frank Beard said that he had never seen so many yellow looking folks in all his life. He added that he tried to eat with the traditional chopsticks but gave up after he got a damn wood splinter in his lower lip.

Gibbons meanwhile said that he really liked eating their sushi. Except that being from Texas, he said that he had to put the stuff in a flour tortilla.

Hill laughed and said that he did the same thing with the sukiyaki, teriyaki, and fakiyaki.

Beard remarked that it was so cute looking out at the crowd and seeing that no ones feet touched the floor. Billy said that if he had gotten a dime for every time someone called him Birry he would have returned to Texas with over 95,000 dimes.

In other news. Maine continues to experience record-breaking cold temperatures. One weatherman said that it was so darn cold that he actually saw a mallard duck rubbing two praying mantises together to try to start a fire.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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