Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Ashley Cole Ticketed For Driving His Lamborghini At 104 MPH!
A recent photo taken of Cheryl Cole in the backyard of their home in St. John's Wood. (Photo courtesy of Simon Cowell).

LONDON - Chelsea football star Ashley Cole and his wife Cheryl were merely out driving to get some fish and chips when they were stopped by London police on the A3, aka The Portsmouth Road.

The officer Bardolf Crownridge informed Mr. Cole that he clocked him doing 104 mph in a 50 mph zone. Right away Mr. Cole became defensive and replied that he felt that the officer's radar gun must surely be off as he figures that he was only doing 82, or 85 at the most.

Officer Crownridge after checking both driver's licenses asked Mrs. Cole why in the world she was sitting on her husband's lap while he was driving.

Cheryl just blushed and said that the reason she was sitting on his lap was because he had instructed her to do so.

Ashley turned to Cheryl and asked, "I did?"

Cheryl replied that yes he did. Ashley then remarked to the officer that what had really happened was that Cheryl had glanced over at his pants and she had noticed that "Mr. Kicky" was getting somewhat aroused and being the sexy little tart that everyone knows she is she could not help herself and decided to get out of her seat and sit on his lap so that she could take advantage of "Mr. Kicky's" enthusiasm.

"Mr. Kicky?" The officer asked. He then inquired if his wife did that very often.

"Always."

"Never!" Cheryl shouted.

The officer looked at both and asked well which is it. Always or never?

"Always! Ashley remarked.

"Never!" Cheryl screamed out.

The officer then said that he had to get on with it as he had other lovebirds to catch driving their cars as if the A3 was a race track or something.

Officer Crownridge asked Ashley, how much his Lamborghini had cost.

Ashley replied that he had paid £150,000 [$240,000 U.S.] for his bright red Lamborghini.

The officer then took out his ticket book and started writing out a ticket. Ashley asked if maybe he could just give him a warning. The officer replied that it was totally out of the question.

Ashley then reached in the glove compartment and produced two tickets to Chelsea's next home game. The officer asked him if he was trying to bribe him.

Cole shook his head and said no. He then reached underneath the scene and came out with his wife's latest CD, Cheryl Cole Sings The Songs of Ringo Starr.

Crownridge again asked if he was trying to bribe him. And again Ashley shook his head and said no. Ashley then looked over at Cheryl. And all of a sudden Cheryl opened up her full-length black coat and revealed that she did not have a stitch of clothing on underneath.

Cheryl smiled and asked the officer if he was going to have to take some official police photos for his police records regarding the ticket that he was going to write out.

The officer blushed and replied that yes he was definitely going to take some official police business photos as required by the police rules and regulations manual.

He took out his cell phone and started snapping away. Cheryl smiled and said that she would comply with the officers instructions.

Crownridge took 17 pictures. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and he told the couple to have a nice day and to please watch their speed.

Ashley asked about the ticket. And Crownridge remarked that Mrs. Cole had sufficiently taken care of the ticket.

In other news. Elton John has just announced that he and Boy George will be recording a duet which they both wrote. The name of the song is "Two Elderly Queens Prancing On A 16th Century Drawbridge."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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