HOLLYWOOD - Season 14 of The Bachelor started off with this years lucky guy getting his pick from a record-breaking 73 girls.
This years lone male on the 2010 edition of The Bachelor - On The Wings of Love, is Jake Pavelka, a pilot from Dallas, who is clearly sitting pretty comfortably in the pilot's seat (pun intended).
This year the girls range in age from 16 to 47. Three of the girls are waitresses at Hooters, two are ex-call girls, and one is presently employed as a secret service agent for President Obama.
On the season opener ten girls were quickly dispatched to the 'Losers Hall of Lame.' One of the girls was a native of Cambodia named Channy.
The name Channy is Cambodian, for girl who no go past the first round.
When Cha Cha Cha, as she is called by the shows hairstylist, Ramon of Redondo Beach, was told by Jake the Snake that he was eliminating her, she immediately reached into her purse and pulled out a six-inch Cambodian poison dart bamboo shooter and actually managed to fire off a poison dart at the bachelor.
Luckily one of the stage hands Robby Filtenmeister was able to jump in front of the dart and he took the shot.
Robby is said to be resting peacefully at The Manny Ramirez Hospital For Spanish Speaking Patients in East Los Angeles. Robby's maternal grandmother's last name is Gomez.
Robby's doctor said that luckily for him the poison dart hit one of his tonsils which is one of the strongest body parts on the human body.
The doctor stated that one of the contestants on the show was able to immediately reach into his throat and remove the dart and suck out 90 percent of the poison.
The doctor said that because of this action Robby should recover in time to participate in any Valentine's Day events he may have planned.
Meanwhile Channy has been arrested and is presently awaiting extradition papers to be completed so that she can be put on a ship and returned to Cambodia, where Cambodian authorities will try her as a female adult.
In all, a total of ten girls were unlucky enough to not receive a rose and thus embarrassingly exit the premier show.
One of the girls that Jake eliminated was the stunningly beautiful blonde Tiana, a medical technician slash lingerie model from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.
Jake must have dozed off or something, because Titi, as her 43 ex-boyfriends call her, is quite the looker. She has it all; fantastic looking tata's, a gorgeous bon bon, and a wim wam that can literally provide hours of sensuously erotic pleasure to some lucky son-of-a-bitch!
Dammit boy! Jake are you maybe gay or what the eff?
In other news. For the first time in recorded history. The state of Wisconsin is reporting a cheese shortage. State cheese experts are blaming it on a rash of uncharacteristic stress and depression which for some reason has affected over 85 percent of the cheese producing cows in the state.