Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Rihanna, Chris Brown

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Chris Brown Snubbed with News of Rihanna's New Dodger Boyfriend
Swinging away, Kemp practices for encounter with Brown.

Still trying to mend fences with his former plaintiff/victim girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown was shocked at the news that Los Angeles Dodger outfielder, Matt Kemp, has been dating her in recent weeks.

Though Rihanna was not reached for comment on the story, spokesman for Kemp, Walter Rashaway says, "Lets just say that Mr. Kemp knows how to treat a lady, and that does not include backhanding her to the pavement. Rihanna and Matt will be keeping their relationship private, and free of any encounter with Mr. Brown."

Still, precautions are apparently being taken when the two are out on the town. Witnesses have seen Kemp carry his lucky baseball bat whenever the couple goes. Nobody seems to question that, given Kemp's profession.

Rashaway says, "Well, let's just say that it serves a dual purpose. An autographed bat carries enough value to either pay for a meal, or can be used as a demonstration device to highlight Mr. Kemp's ability to hit just about anything out of the park."

Brown's latest CD release, including several cuts containing apologies and proclamations of love for his former victim/girlfriend, had gone unanswered by Rihanna. Rashaway says, "Clearly she knows now, how to dump a loser and pick a winner."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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