Reports are surfacing that a disgruntled West (By God) Virginia resident, the renowned war veteran and feeble humourist Frankie the J punched Twilight star Rob Pattinson in the face when the teen idol visited a West (By God) Virginia hospital on a goodwill trip.
Pattinson allegedly staggered backwards into the arms of co-star Kristen Stewart, as Frankie the J closed in for the killer punch.
"What is wrong with you?" Stewart shreiked.
"I'll tell you what's wrong with me, by God," Frankie the J snarled as he was restrained by nurses. "You people are responsible for all the kids in my neighborhood goin' all damned freakozoid and paintin' their damn faces white and acting like dumb assed vampires! You want some more?"
"Not really," Pattinson spluttered. "That really hurt!"
"Let's all calm down here!" Kristen Stewart probably said.
"Hurt?" Frankie the J growled at Pattinson. "You don't know what hurt is! I'll put some real hurtin' on ya, God damned bloodsucking sumbitch!"
Frankie was led away by a large breasted nurse wearing a tight fitting uniform, allegedly grinning.
A close friend of Frankie the J, archaeologist Diane Poor, insisted that it was totally out of character for Frankie to punch Hollywood actors in the face.
Frankie's best buddy Bert told us:
"Hell, that weren't nothin' at all. In his day Frankie could KO a mule with a single punch."
More as we get it.