Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Cheerleaders

Sunday, 3 January 2010

image for Dallas Cheerleaders Will Now Be Wearing Bikini Thongs Instead of Short Shorts
Cheerleader Pixie Fiddlefix shown performing a dance number to the Elton John song, "The Bitch Is Back."

DALLAS - It has been announced that due to the thousands of emails, text messages, and phone calls that he has been receiving lately, a top football team decided to drop the cheerleaders standard white short shorts and replace them with white bikini thongs.

Jones said that he has informed the director of the cheerleaders that the new cheerleader outfit will be implemented at the next home game.

The owner noted that two of the girls in the cheerleading squad spoke with him in his office and said that they felt that the bikini thongs were much to skimpy and that they certainly revealed a whole lot more skin than they would like to have revealed.

One of the girls, identified as Pixie Fiddlefix [shown above] told Jones that when she put the new white thong on it exposed a tattoo that she has on her left butt cheek with the name of an ex-boyfriend Hanky.

She then told the team's owner that the front showed a tattoo with the name of another ex-boyfriend, Titus, which she had tattooed on her bikini line.

She asked Jones to reconsider and stick with the original short shorts in the interest of modesty and to prevent her two tattoos from being exposed embarrassing her since her two grandmothers Cora Lou Shannonfield and Feistalina Lou Fiddlefix watch all the games.

Jones looked out the window and pretended to play the air violin, or the air fiddle, as they say in Texas. He took a sip from his Lone Star Beer longneck bottle and told Fiddlefix and the other cheerleader, identified as Nina Buttergrass, that he spent $1.15 billion on his brand new stadium.

He said that he had to take out seventeen loans and mortgage his six homes, plus his multi-million dollar yacht, The Winning Touchdown.

He pointed out to them that he had a hand in the design of the plush stadium seats, the imported Italian designer team benches, the $35 million big screen TV, and everything else including the bathroom urinals which were manufactured in Paris, the brand of wieners for the hot dogs, and even the designer bras that his female ushers wear.

Jones then told Fiddlefix that he has no respect for women, such as her, who have tattoos of their boyfriends names tattooed on their bodies, because nine times out of ten, they will soon become ex-boyfriends.

He told both girls that the fans are the ones who are paying for the stadium, the team salaries, his salary, their salary, and his 47,000 acre ranch located just outside of Laredo, El Rancho How 'Bout Dem Boys Ranch.

He then said that the male fans and about 60 or so lesbian fans told him that they want the cheerleaders to wear bikini thong bottoms because they want to see (blank) and (blank) and plenty of it and that is what the hell they are going to wear.

Fiddlefix stood up and said that she did not like it. Buttergrass also stood up and she said that she agreed with Pixie. Jones pushed a button on his desk. The office door opened and two big burly security guards walked in.

Jones instructed them to each pick up one of the girls and carry them out of his office, down the hall, and out of his $1.15 billion stadium.

Buttergrass yelled out that he could not treat them that way because this was America. Jones laughed and told her that she was wrong. Jones grinned and told her that this was Texas and that he was the president of Texas and he made the damn rules.

He then told the two security guards to take the keys to his Rolls Royce and drive the two ungrateful bitches and dump their ungrateful asses up in Oklahoma.

In an unrelated story. Reports are still somewhat sketchy but Florida authorities are reporting that comedian Grandma Lee, who is believed to be either 87 or 89, has been arrested in Apalachicola, Florida with 190 counterfeit Viagra pills hidden in her girdle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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