Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 28 December 2009

image for Kate Gosselin Spends Christmas With Her Bodyguard
A photo of Kate who is hoping that some network offers her a reality show. (Photo courtesy of her bodyguard Steve Nield).

WERNERSVILLE, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin and her eight kids spent Christmas with her bodyguard Steve Nield at her quasi-ranch which was awarded to her by the divorce hearing judge.

Kate was quick to point out that Mr. Nield had been accompanied to her home by his wife Ginjalou and their teenage son Wadey.

The Nields brought the eight kids eight toys each. And Wadey gave the kids a huge pinata that was the size of a 1990 Yugo Cabrio which he had constructed himself.

Wadey had fashioned the pinata to resemble Hailey Glassman, the woman that the Gosselin kids' father left their mother for.

On a sad note, as soon as Kate saw the Hailey Glassman pinata she took the broom out of the kitchen broom closet and started hitting the pinata like A-Rod taking batting practice. Kate did not stop until she had knocked Hailey's nose, ears, lips, and cowlick completely off the pinata.

Mrs. Nield says that it was not a pretty sight as all of the eight Gosselin kids were standing around hollering for Mommy to stop. The only one who did not holler for her to stop was 9-year-old Mady who instead was yelling, "Come on Mommy, hit the damn bitch again, and this time wipe that stupid-looking, husband and daddy-stealing look off her fat face."

Steve and Ginjalou finally intervened and were able to settle Kate down somewhat. Steve took the broom from Kate, and Ginjalou gave her three Tylenol and told her to lie down.

Kate said that she was fine and that she just needed to talk to Katie Couric, Barbara Walters, or Larry King. Steve calmed her down by telling her that he would try and get them on the phone.

Kate smiled and told him to try and get a hold of Oprah as well.

In unrelated news. Relatives and friends of Lindsay Lohan are concerned that she has gone off the deep end. LiLo reportedly got a tattoo on her 'right one' over the Christmas holidays that reads: "Property of the Taliban."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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