LONDON - Six Thames Valley police officers arrested singer Amy Winehouse after she kicked the manager of the Milton Keynes Theatre, Chadwick Charlesworth in his crotch, threatened him with a Glock 9 pistol, and waved a Bolivian machete in his face.
Charlesworth said that Miss Winehouse was shouting invectives and other obscenities at the actors who were performing the award-winning play Prince Charming And The Attack of The Bloomin' Blimeys.
One of the actors in the play is American Mickey Rooney who recently turned 103. Rooney said that he could not believe the vulgar, vile, and venomous words that were coming out of the mouth of that horrendously horrible looking skank of a so called woman.
Rooney said that he fought in three wars and he never heard the frickin' Nazi's, nor the freakin' Nips, nor the friggin Sotrops utter such disgustingly nasty expletives.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Sotrop stands for 'soldiers of the Republic of Peru.']
The little actor who stands 4 foot 1, said that if he was taller he would have jumped on that Winehouse bitch and bit her all over her upper chest, shoulders, neck, and tits.
He quickly added that by saying he would have bitten her on her tits he did not mean in a intimate sexual way, but more like in a hateful, doing some major damage to her store bought knockers kind of way.
When Winehouse was asked by the police why she had acted in such an uncivilized manner she simply said, "Because dat's da way I be's. I'm be just a low-life London rat arsed sarky pleb slag tosspot I be."
SIDENOTE: Winehouse posted bond and was released from jail with the understanding that she would not get within 300 feet of the Milton Keynes Theatre, Chadwick Charlesworth, or Mickey Rooney. She was also prohibited from singing in public until January 13, 2010.