Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

image for Tiger Woods To Buy European Country of Liechtenstein - Plans To Live There With Holly Sampson
Tiger's very first pair of golf shoes which he received on his first birthday.

ORLANDO - Tiger Woods business manager Upton Courtquist has verified that the rumors about Woods purchasing a European country are in fact true.

Courtquist stated that he has been in contact with representatives of the tiny European country of Liechtenstein, which is nestled between Switzerland and Austria.

The country has experienced tremendous economic hardship of late and in October filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Liechtenstein, which was named after Countess Liechtenstein, the inventor of Velcro, has total assets of $4,921. And the country owes $91,579,213.

Courtquist said that Tiger Woods has agreed to pay the difference which amounts to $91,574,292.

In return, he will receive the deed to the country. Courtquist was quick to point out that the remainder of Mr. Woods capital will be placed in Switzerland's Second National Bank of The Alps.

He stressed that by Mr. Woods buying Liechtenstein, he will be immune from having to pay any legal settlements that he may have promised to pay, or have been required to pay.

And the reason is because his legal matters and adulterous entanglements are now protected under Liechtenstein's The Yodel-Ay-Dee-Ooo Doctrine of 1847.

Mr. Courtquist stated that in essence his client Eldrick Tont Woods will become the nation's president. After Mr. Woods divorce is finalized he will fly Holly Sampson, whom Tiger describes as the best of all of his "Scorecard Cutey Club" members to Liechtenstein and she will become Liechtenstein's "First Lady."

The 36-year-old stunning blonde has agreed to give Woods all of the money she received from her appearance in PlayGal Magazine as well as all of the proceeds from her book, Tiger's Stimulus Package.

On top of that Miss Sampson will also deposit the acting fee check which she received for starring with porn star Ron Jeremy in Vilandro Gorianzanni's film A Hole-In-One.

Tiger has promised Holly that once his divorce from Elin the Felon, as he calls her, is finalized the couple will travel to the romantic Mediterranean island of Majorca and be married by the world famous Rev. Antoine "Kissy-Kissy" Dufoofier.

In other news. The Ann Coulter-Meghan McCain GOP political feud continues to escalate. McCain has challenged Coulter to a debate on Larry King's 'Live With Larry King' with the loser leaving the United States and moving down to Mexico. Coulter said that she won't debate her because she cannot stand the sound of maracas, is allergic to pinatas, and Mexican jumping beans upset her stomach.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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