Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

image for Susan Boyle Products Turn Out To Be The Biggest Christmas Sellers On Both Sides of The Atlantic
A photo of Susan's left boot which was taken by one of her neighbors Kyle O' Chloe.

CHICAGO - One of the world's leading research study groups, The Pandora's Box Research Study Agency, with offices in Chicago and London, has just announced that the biggest selling Christmas products for the 2009 holiday season have been Susan Boyle items.

Pandora's Box spokesperson Rebecca Brenza stated that Susan Boyle related items out sold the next three nearest competitor's combined.

Brenza went on to point out that a total of 3.7 million Susan Boyle "Kiss Me T-Shirts" were sold.

The SuBo Virgin Cherry Flavored Chapstick was the second highest selling Susan Boyle item with sales topping the 6 million mark.

Reports are that 46-year-old big-lipped actress Lisa Rinna purchased 32 of the Chapsticks for her own personal use.

And the sales of the Susan Boyle Toe Rings went through the roof, eclipsing the sales of last year's Britney Spears Toe Rings, Paris Hilton's Tongue Studs, and Cheryl Cole's Vaginal Rings.

But the biggest surprise of all was the amount of Susan Boyle Inflatable Dolls that were sold in department stores and on the Internet.

Nationwide sales in America topped the 8.9 million mark. And an interesting point is that 2.3 million of the dolls were sold in the Washington D.C. area alone.

Meanwhile in London, the sale of Susan Boyle Microwaveable Crumpets has already surpassed the 10 million mark.

SIDENOTE: The only Susan Boyle product that did not sell very well in the United States were the Susan Boyle Scottish Knickers. And that is because the Knickies, as Susan calls them, are gigantic. And as everyone knows American women do not wear humongous panties, well except for Kirstie Alley, Wynonna Judd, Kathleen Turner, and Oprah Winfrey of course.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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