Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Texas

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

image for Randy Quaid and Wife Evi Are Wanted For Holding Up An Ice Cream Shop In Rio Bravo, Texas
The stacks of ice cream cones that Snow Queen Shop Navarro Coverletter was counting when the Quaids walked into his shop.

RIO BRAVO, Texas - Actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi are wanted on suspicion of holding up a Snow Queen Shop in Rio Bravo.

SQ manager Navarro Coverletter said that he was in the back counting ice cream cones when he heard someone yell out, "This is a stick up, don't anyone move or else I blow the mellorine dispenser all to hell."

Coverletter said that he immediately walked out to the front and instantly saw a big ,tall, bearded man and a short frumpy woman holding what appeared to be either handguns or water hose pistols.

The man told the cashier that he wanted all of the money in the cash register. The cashier asked "The coins to?"

"No, not the coins. Who the hell robs a bank or a store and gets away with coins? Your name tag says Ethel. Ethel are you making fun of me 'cause I'm a redneck from the Houston area or what?"

"No sir I just be asking dats all."

"Well get me the 20s, the 10s, and the 5s."

She asked him if he wanted the 1s as well.

"Now dammit Ethel. Who the hell robs a bank or store and makes off with the 1s? Gal, I swear you are starting to irritate the livin' daylights out of me. Do you want me to shoot your ass or what?"

Ethel nodded her head from side to side signifying that her answer was "no."

Evi then told the girl at the banana split table to make them two banana splits and make them super fast.

She asked her if they were going to eat them here or if she wanted them to go.

"Now, Missy, what the hell do you think? I mean, my husband Randy, oops, I mean my husband Mandy, and I are robbing the place. Do you really effening think that we have time to sit down in your restaurant and eat a couple of banana splits?

Randy hollered out "Mandy, Mandy???"

Evi said that she was sorry and that the name Randy had just slipped out but that luckily she had not mentioned Quaid their last name...oops.

Randy turned to his wife and said that if she wasn't the mother of his children he would have shot her in the foot years ago.

The modern day "Bonnie and Clyde" left with $85, two banana splits to go, and a coupon good for $1 off their next Snow Queen purchase.

In an unrelated story. The Obama's had a pretty good laugh the other day. It seems that they had invited TV political talk show hosts Wolf Blitzer, Campbell Brown, and Glenn Beck to visit the White House. And as soon as the "First Pooch" Bo saw Glenn Beck, he ran over to him and peed on his shoes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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