Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 22 December 2009

image for Sacked Stones Guitarist Joins Bonkettes
Wood In Better Days circa 1973

Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood, who simply exemplified how stupid old geezers can be, by running off with a 21 year old Russian gold digger named Ekaterina, who was in no way in it for the money, today revealed how stupid he really is.

"She was only into me for the money," Ron, former guitarist with the Faces told us. " I feel a bit silly right now. I mean, I'm in my 60's and she bangs like a shit house door in a raging storm. Banging like a shit house door in a hurricane and moaning and groaning is a great experience.

"But to be honest, she was shit in bed. She made all the right noises. But she was as loose as a size 12 wellington boot. I've had greater intimacy on the Grand National ride on Blackpool Pleasure Beach."

Ekatarina said that we should get back to her when she finds another ageing rocker with money to burn and bigger tits than hers.

So we agreed. Because she hinted she'd give the crew a blowjob in the carpark.

Oooooh...Cheers love. Wipe it off! It's all over your face. But you're not likeley to sue us so we can say that.

Eric Clapton has been reported as "shitting himself."

George Michael and Boy George tried to distance themselves from the debate, as they're both gay.

Ronnie Wood attended an interview with Bonkettes lead singer BJ Swallow, and has been confirmed as a band member for The Bonkettes, to make his debut at a venue to be announced.

BJ Swallow told us:

"He's a bit wrinkly, but boy, can he play guitar."

David Bowie and Ziggy Stardust were quick to agree.

More as we get it

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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