Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 21 December 2009

image for Strictly Come Dancing's Ricky Whittle Demands To See The Voting Results
The shoes that Ricky Whittle was wearing when he came in second on Strictly Come Dancing.

LONDON - Ricky Whittle is not a happy camper as they say in Yellow Stone National Park. He feels that he and his partner Natalie Lowe danced much better than the winners Chris Hollins and Ola Jordan.

The second place finisher in this year's Strictly Come Dancing feels that he should have won and so do literally hundreds of his fans, family, co-workers, and girlfriends.

One girlfriend, Freckles Allemande, who resides in Wembley, said that Ricky positively danced his arse off and for him not to win is an outright travesty of epic proportions.

Frecky, as Ricky refers to her, remarked that not only is Ricky the best dancer that she has ever danced with, he is also the best kisser that she has ever kissed except for Rumley Tackinboro, but that doesn't really count anymore because she found out that Rumley was actually gay, in a definite gay way.

One of Whittle's co-workers Josh Chertsey pointed out that Ricky and his partner the almond-eyed Natalie Lowe performed superbly never once tripping, stumbling, staggering, or stammering.

There was that one time when they were dancing to the Richard Harris song "MacArthur Park" when Natalie did wobble a little bit but that was only because of the glass of wine she had just before she went on stage.

Ricky said that Natty did learn her lesson and after that she stuck to drinking only Diet Pepsi.

Nigel Piccadilly, a spokesperson for the show, said that they will not be releasing the vote tally as that would go against Strictly Come Dancing regulation 17-V, which clearly states: No vote tally will be released, ever, period, get over it.

Natalie, said she is embarrassed because people are pointing at her at the market place, the beauty salon, and even at Kentucky Fried Chicken and saying extremely horrible things such as loser, second placer, and bleached blonde.

She went on to say that she has been so stressed out from finishing second that she has lost four pounds, her dazzling smile, and 40 hairs; 35 head, 5 pubic.

Meanwhile head judge Len Gooodman, who is 85, but looks 95 commented, "Looky 'ere now. I'm totally knackered and completely gobsmacked from all dis rubbish comin' from Natty's mouth as well as Ricky's. The pillock and the ponce need to suck it up, buy themselves a couple of ice lollies (Popsicles) and get over it ya know."

In other news. Simon Cowell still furious that X-Factor's Joe McElderry lost out to Rage Against The Machine for the number one Christmas Day song has told a very close friend that he plans to call Buckingham Palace and file a formal complaint with her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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