Written by Aisubeki Akiudo
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Monday, 21 December 2009

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Joe McElderry - Gettin ready for dem bitches, y'all

What a complete bastard of a result' - those were the words of X Factor winner Joe 'Jorrr' McElderry on hearing that his winning song DID NOT make it to Christmas number One.

McElderry's song, 'The Climb' as an emotional song about a window cleaner with a sprained ankle who can longer work as he finds the ladder to tricky to get up. But is would appear that having realised that bubble-gum pop as shit, he wants to learn from Rage Against The Machine and 'go heavy'

As a result, he has enlisted 'Dr Dre', 'Mr Ren' and 'Ice Cube' all formerly of NWA to lift his chances as a successful artist. 'Eazy E' was unable to help as he died of AIDS in the 1990s from 'fuckin' bitches and hoes'

An album is planned for release around Easter time in 2010 and has a working title of 'Geordie For Life' and will feature tracks including 'Straight Outta South Shields' and 'Fuck Da Southerners'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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