Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 21 December 2009

image for Rage Against The Machine Rages Past Joe McElderry to Capture #1
Simon Cowell's winter home in Zurich, Switzerland, one of 14 homes he owns world wide.

LONDON - The band Rage Against The Machine outsold X-Factor winner Joe McElderry by 500,000 to 450,000 copies to capture Britain's number one Christmas song title.

Simon Cowell, one of the owners of X-Factor was reportedly livid and threatened to leave England and to move to America or Peru.

Cowell stated that he worked extremely hard day and night to make McElderry successful and then this 'has been' band from the past comes along and ruins everything.

He pointed out that their song "Killing In The Name" is a horrible song, with horrible lyrics, and horrible musical notes.

Simple Simon like fellow X-Factor judge Louis Walsh calls him, remarked that he is going to tell all of his concert promoter friends not to book Rage Against The Machine.

Cowell went on to say that if he wanted to he could also have the band members arrested on grounds of using hard core expletives in their song.

He said that apparently RATM forgot that this is England and not Germany, Denmark, or Somalia where singers can sing songs with the words (blank), (blank), and (blank) in them and get away with it.

The Rage Against The Machine vs. Joe McElderry controversy was started by two London disc jockeys whose real names are Abner Ovenbridge and Selwynia Van Brow.

RATM's song "Killing In The Name" was purchased mainly by individuals in the 30 to 80 age group whereas McElderry's fan base falls between the 12 to 19 age category.

In an unrelated story. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has stated that there is a tremendous ground swell pushing for her to run for governor of California. She says that although she is quite flattered there is just no way that she could afford to take the pay cut.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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