Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Rolling Stones

Saturday, 19 December 2009

image for Mick Jagger and The Rolling Stones Dump Guitarist Ron Wood
The statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson which sits in Ron Wood's Ruxley Tower's backyard.

LONDON - First Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood dumps his Russian-born 20-year-old girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova and now it appears by all accounts that the 62-year-old is being dumped by his band, The Rolling Stones.

When Wood was asked why he was being fired by the Stones he smiled, took a puff of his cigarette, and simply shrugged his shoulders.

It has been no secret that the band members as well as most of Ron's relatives and friends have never taken to his 20-year-old Russian Barbie Doll.

Ron always insisted that the 42 year age difference was no big deal. Fellow band mate Keith Richards reminded him that she was born in 1989 for goodness sakes.

Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts, 68, recently said that Kit Kat as they all call her had never even heard of The Who, The Animals, The Kinks, or even Herman's Hermits.

She thought that David Frost was a type of beer. And she once told Ronnie that she would like to go and see Monty Python's Flying Circus whenever they come to town because she loves lions, and tigers, and seeing a dozen clowns squeeze into a tiny little car.

Ron's favorite uncle, Biffy Ludgate said that Ronnie had been feeling depressed about having had to dump Kit Kat. He said that Ronnie had confided in him that he really missed her sense of humor, her fantastically sexy body, and the funny little names she would always use when referring to her bearded taco and his wingy wangy.

Biffy remarked, "I tingk it was all just a might much for da lad. I know he wuz very depressed and 'ad refused to eat 'is favorite meal fish and chips.

Ronnie also got friggin tired of Kit Kat pointing 'er blimey 22 pistol at 'im ev'ry time he would tell 'er to shut up bitch, pipe down slut, or shut your bloomin' crumpet hole ya yeast mill tart."

Wood says that even if the Rolling Stones do dump him he is still going to show up at all of the concert dates in 2010 and get up on stage and play the songs.

SIDENOTE: When Mick Jagger, 66, was told of Ron's remark about the concert tour he replied, "Look chum, we ain't avin Ron on our tour. Ron sezz things dat da bloke duzzent really mean. The chap sez diz and he sez dat and it's really all just gobsmack innit?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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