Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 19 December 2009

image for Spoof Writer Helps Out British Tourist In Barcelona Airport Bar
Look What You Did You London Knobhead - I Nearly Missed Me Sodding Plane! Water My Arse. Drink Beer You Ponce!

Top website and home of the most outrageous untrue celeb gossip on the net, theSpoof.com was today revealed as having a caring, sharing, humanitarian side after all.

The site, lambasted by the likes of the late Michael Jackson, Susan Boyle and Tiger Woods, not even considering the late, much lamented Jade Goody insisted that it possessed humanitarian credentials, by citing an incident which took place in an airside bar in 'Aeropuerto El Prat De Llobregat' in Barcelona.

A stuttering British tourist approached the bar, requesting;

In English.

In the kind of slow English, clearly pronounced in a loud voice that all Brits think that non-English speakers will clearly understand:

"Could - I - please - have - a - bottle - of - mineral - water - non - sparkling - please - with - no - bubb - les?"

The hapless non-English speaking barman, who had no idea what his customer was referring to, simply asked:

"Que?" a little like Manuel out of Fawlty Towers.

To which the Englishman spoke louder and slower, asking for:

"A - BOTT - EL - OF - MIN - E - RAL - WA - TER - PLEASE - WITH - NO - BUBBLES - PRETTY - PLEASE - MAN - WELL?"

At which point, the Spoof writer, who we can't name here for legal reasons, having bought his beer, paid his dues, and wearing the coolest Italian leather coat on the entire Iberian peninsula, decided to intervene.

As the Brit tourist got increasingly frustrated, and the barman got increasingly flustered, the unnamed Spoof writer sorted things out.

"Senor. Por favor?" he asked the flustered barman.

"Si?" came the response from the barman.

Pointing to the dickhead Englishman, the Spoof writer explained:

"Es una bottella de agua mineral - sin gas. No problemo."

The grateful barman then served the grouchy English customer, who attempted to convey his thanks to the interloper.

"Grazie!" the knobhead told the Spoof writer, who we still can't name.

"That's alright mate," the Spoof writer replied in a broad Manchester accent. "And "grazie's" Italian you dickhead."

More on the Spoof writing team's humanitarian side as we get it.

Probably in 2087

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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