Written by The Divine Miss C
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Thursday, 17 December 2009

Pandemonium broke out last Saturday morning in the Magic Kingdom's Character Breakfast when the featured characters of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs performing "High Ho High Ho, It's Off to Work We Go" were unexpectedly replaced with Cruella Deville in what soon became the sex scandal of the century at Disney's Orlando park.

Onlookers were bemused as Cruella Deville broke into a singing performance of "For Your Entertainment". However, that soon turned to horror as the evil Cruella lassoed Goofy into a spiked dog collar and began dragging him around the stage. Things only escalated as Cruella suddenly began grabbing dwarfs and grinding her crotch in their faces in a simulation of oral sex, and forced her tongue into Donald Duck's bill.

As things went terribly wrong, Security guards rushed the Cruella character, forcing her to the ground.

Pulling off the wig and costume, agents uncovered singer Adam Lambert clad only in leather chaps and nipple rings. It's unclear at this time how Adam Lambert, last year's first runner up on American Idol, managed to infiltrate the park's automated HR security system. The investigation continues as Security guards are being interviewed. One of the guards, who asked to remain anonymous, said they had an uneasy sense of suspicion as Cruella went onstage...."the unusually heavy amount of eye-liner and hair product on Cruella seemed off, but we assumed it was just a make-up mishap".

Adam (aka "MS. LAMBERT IF YOU'RE NASTY") has reportedly been upset over cancellations of his interviews and performances by ABC as a rebuke to his racy over the top performance at the American Music Awards. In response to his latest Disney stunt, he commented
"it was totally unrehearsed, I just went where the music took me....I'm here, I'm queer.....I fly my freak flag high! Get used to it! I'm not a babysitter, I'm a performer!!!!"

Disney has announced they will be providing free trauma counseling to the dwarfs, Donald and any other attendees shocked by the unauthorized performance. Unconfirmed sources report there may have been an additional incident backstage involving Chip and Dale. Complete details are sketchy, but it appears handcuffs and blindfolds were involved.

Formal charges including corrupting the morals of minors and cruelty to animals are expected to be filed shortly against Lambert. A judge has ruled Lambert must attend mandatory fashion therapy while charges are pending.

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