Written by Aisubeki Akiudo
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Thursday, 17 December 2009

image for X Factor's Ray Quinn - My Bullying Hell
The Chuckie-Faced Quim-King

Many may have forgotten the chubby little dancing scouser from a few years back. In fact, Ray Quinn was in the finals of The X Factor in which luscious Leona Lewis triumphed.

But behind that fat smile of his, lives a plethora of painful memories. Painful like catching your scrotum in your zipper. In a frank and fictitious interview with The Spoof, Ray told us what inspired him to become the superstar that he isn't;

"Well, y'know, lykh - it was pretty hard growing up in Liverpool when i was young. People were always taking the piss, lykh. They said I looked like Chuckie from the horror films, y'know."

Quinn then moved onto a more painful time;

"But the worst bit - lykh, y'know, was when people took the piss out of my name. Every kids in school and in my town called me 'Mr Quim', and they all said I smelt fishy like an old woman's quim. 'QUIM QUIM FISHY FISHY QUIM, YOUR MUM'S A WHORE AND YOU'RE DAD'S A CUNT'. It didn't even rhyme, but that made it hurt more...."

Ray Quinn has certainly moved on from those painful, trying days - he is starring as 'Fishy Fanny Freddie' in Bournemouth Town Hall's 2009 Christmas Panto.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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