Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 21 December 2009

image for Madonna Offers To Adopt All Of Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt's Children
Angelina Jolie listening to Brad explain why the hell Jennifer (Aniston) is texting him.

PIMLICO, England - Madonna was in Pimlico visiting an old high school friend who manages Lady MacBetty's Pole Dancing Lounge, Pub, and Crumpet Shoppe.

Naomi Bickerlow, said that she had not seen Madonna since they had graduated from Chief Rain-in-the-Face High School in Bay City, Michigan a little over 30 years ago.

Both had been cheerleaders and Bickerlow said that her senior year, Madonna, or Donnie as she called her was voted, "Girl Most Likely To Put Out At The Senior Prom."

Bickerlow said that Donnie was also secretly voted "Student We Would Most Like To See Stand on Her Head While Wearing A Dress."

When the principal found out about that particular vote, he called all of the male teachers into his office and said that he was shocked that they would even consider saying such a thing.

He scolded them and said that it was one thing for the male student body to say that, but it was an entirely different thing for the male teachers to carry on in that way.

Lately it seems that Madonna has been competing with Angelina Jolie to see who can adopt the most children from the most unusual place.

Last month Madonna certainly scored a lot of points when she adopted Nanicka Fafalala, a 3-month-old Eskimo baby girl who was born in the tiny, remote, four-igloo village of Assfreezeroffer, in the North Pole.

Within the past month it is no secret that Angelina and Brad (Pitt) have been fighting like bulldogs and Persian cats. It seems that Brad's ex-wife Jennifer Aniston is trying to waltz her way back into the picture.

Angelina has told close friends that if Jen the Hen comes anywhere near Brad the Cad she will grab Jen by the hair, stomp on her pedicured toes, and take all of her makeup and throw it in the trash.

Madonna and Jennifer have been very close ever since Madonna promised Angie that she would never try to take Brad away from her no matter how ridiculously horny she ever gets.

Jolie thanked her and told her that she was a true friend, not like other female celebrities like Kate Hudson, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, or that home-wrecking LeAnn Rimes.

Madonna said, "Can you believe the nerve of that Rimes hussy. Purposely taking a woman's husband, when she could have one of the hundreds of single guys that are out there. Oh granted, in the looks department, she ain't no Miranda Lambert or Carrie Underwood, but hey, that's why they invented paper bags (or for our Minnesota/Wisconsin readers paper sacks.")

The "Material Girl" told Angelina that she knows that her and Brad are having their ups and downs and she just wanted her to know that she would be willing to adopt her brats, ah kids, while her and the Bradster iron out their problems and get the show back in the bedroom where it belongs.

In a follow up to an earlier story. Jessica Simpson has admitted that the rumor is true. While she was dating Dallas Cowboys quarterback he did in fact nickname her vagina "Touchdown."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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