Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 17 December 2009

image for Jessica Simpson Denies She Is One Of Tiger's "Golf Girls"
Jessica Simpson shown standing in line at a Baskin-Robbins in Oxnard. If you look closely you can see her left nipple.

HOLLYWOOD - Rumors are vigorously circulating that singer-actress Jessica Simpson may be the first celebrity member of Tiger Woods "Scorecard Cutey Club."

The 29-year-old Simpson first met Woods at a golf tournament in Bethesda, Maryland. One of the caddies, Elliot Arkestini said that as soon as Jessica was introduced to Tiger he immediately put his arm around her waist and told her that she sure felt good.

Her then boyfriend Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo reportedly told Tiger to take his dirty golf playing hands off his girlfriend. Tiger smiled and asked Tony if he was kidding.

Romo told him that he'll think he's kidding when he picks up his skinny little black ass and dumps him in the nearest sand trap.

Tiger instantly took his hand away from Jessica's waist. Jessica's face turned red and she told Tony not to be jealous because Tiger looks like Whoopi Goldberg, except without the dreadlocks, the glasses, and the knockers.

Tony told Jessica that there was just something about him that he did not like. Tony had to go to use the restroom. And as soon as Tiger saw him leave he walked over to Jessica and put his arm around her shoulder.

Arkestini said that he heard Tiger ask her for her phone number. He heard Jessica give him a number. He said that he remembers it having three 0's, four 8's, two 9's, and one 3, but not in that order of course.

Tiger entered the number in his cell phone. He gave her an autographed golf ball and told her that he has lots of balls if she ever wants some more.

Woods left before Romo came back. When Tony returned he saw Jessica holding the autographed golf ball. He took it out of her hand and walked over to where Tiger was standing talking to three other golfers.

Tony said, "Hey chump, I think you dropped this." He took it and shoved it in Tiger's mouth. Romo grabbed Tiger by his ears and told him that if he ever catches him talking to Jessica again he'll fix it to where he'll have to change his name from Tiger Woods to Pussy Woods.

Tiger spit the ball out. Tony picked it up and shoved it back in his mouth. He told Tiger not to take the damn ball out of his mouth until he and Jessica have left the premises.

SIDENOTE: Tony dumped Jessica a little over a week later. Inside sources said that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones suggested to Romo that he break up with Simpson because she is a Cowboys jinx.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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