(Defecated News) Times recently have been very hard for golfing legend Tiger Woods. The world was worried after his shit, womanly driving caused him to drive into a pole, and smash his face in. Nobody had any idea about what story was to unfold as a result of this incident.
Woman after woman has come out to be counted as an alleged lover of Tiger Woods. TV interviews, magazine and newspaper double-paged spreads - they've told their side and his marriage now looks doomed & beyond repair.
In a strange twist, Tiger seems to have found comfort in a new set of breasts - those of Scottish Singer Susan Boyle.
Close friends of Woods say that Tiger has found a soul mate in Boyle, both of whom have been in the public eye and have had criticism thrown at them - one for being a man-whore, then other for being a minger.
"Tiger enjoys the company of Susan, and the two have generated a bond which is very special. Tiger feels nurtured and safe in her breasts", explained family pastor Reverend Willie Wanker.
We'll bring you more as we hear it (or make it up)