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Tuesday, 15 December 2009

image for Heather Mills: I Kicked Paul's Ass In One-Legged Contest

Heather Mills, the former Mrs. Paul McCartney, told reporters yesterday that the winner in the one-legged ass-kicking contest was she.

"I got over $20 million in the settlement despite Sir Paul having most of the public and the big political clout on his side", stated Heather to reporters Monday, including myself.

She apparently thinks that Paul's large group of fans and his children "can't stand her".

"That's OK, I can stand by myself", she laughed.

In London in 1993, Heather was hit by a policeman's motorbike and suffered serious injuries, losing her left leg, slightly below her knee. She later sold her story to a popular tabloid and used the proceeds to establish the Heather Mills Health Trust, which recycles discarded prosthetic limbs.

Mills met McCartney at a Pride of Britain charity event and they were married on 11 June 2002. Mills gave birth to Beatrice Milly McCartney on 28 October 2003. Mills separated from McCartney in 2006, which led to a highly publicized divorce, in which she was awarded £24.3 million in a court settlement, in March, 2008.

She continues to work on behalf of several campaigns, including aid for amputees, an animal rights organization and for the banning of land mines! Mills has been dropped by PETA after McCartney's daughter, Mary, reportedly told PETA that she would only take photographs for the organization if Mills was no longer representing PETA.

"Let them do their worse. At least we know whose ass got kicked!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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