Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Dannii Minogue

Sunday, 13 December 2009

image for X-Factor's Stacey Solomon Sent Home
London's British Museum which houses six of Simon Cowell's black T-Shirts.

LONDON - The singing trio is now down to two. The lone remaining female, Stacey Solomon was voted off by the voters of the X-Factor.

A teary-eyed Solomon told her mentor Dannii Minogue that she felt as if she had let all of her fans down. She pooched out her lower lip and said that she always believed that she would be the eventual winner.

She asked the show's host Dermot O'Leary if he was sure that all of the phone votes from Barking, Red Bridge, and Woodford Green had been counted.

When told that they had, she then asked well how about the votes from Chigwell, Upminster, and Loxford. O'Leary becoming somewhat irritated replied, "Yes, Miss Solomon, every single vote that was cast for you has been counted."

He went on and told her that even three votes that she had received from Pakistan, and one vote from Delaware. "So be a big girl Miss Solomon, suck it up, and quit all of this bloomin' whining shit. And I do apologize to the viewers at home as well as to the studio audience but blimey bacon bits Stacey, get effen over it already."

Stacey started crying even more and she pointed out that there certainly must be some mistake because she noted that she has dozens of friends in those six towns and she bloody well knows that each one voted for her at least 1,000 times.

"Really?" Asked Louis Walsh.

Dannii jumped in and told Walsh to stop acting like the bulldog arse that everyone knows he already is.

He gave her a couple of up and down glances focusing on her gray toga dress. "Do tell Dannii is the Italian circus in town or what?"

Dannii asked him what he had to say about Cheryl's extravagantly feathered gown. Louis glanced at Cheryl and remarked that it looked like she had crashed into two flocks of blithering black birds.

He looked out into the audience and noticed special guest Prince Harry and his lovely girlfriend Chelsy Davy.

When asked if he had voted, the prince smiled and replied that he had. For who he was asked and he replied that he had voted for Jedward.

He said that the Irish twins were his favorites but since they were gone he had actually voted for Stacey. He then added that he seems to have a habit of picking losers.

"I beg your pardon!" Chelsy remarked sternly.

"Ah, I mean in regards to singers not in regards to bed mates my lovey."

Simon Cowell went up to Harry and asked about his mum Queen Elizabeth II. He replied that she was find and that her and Prince Philip were sitting in the TV room watching the show.

Cowell said that he really likes the queen. Harry informed him that his mum had purchased two more hats this morning.

Simon asked him if he knew how many hats that makes. Harry remarked, that her hat total had just hit 1,394.

Give her my best. I shall, replied Harry.

Joe McElderry sang a duet with George Michael. They sang the song "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" which almost did not get clearance from the censors because of the title.

Ollie Murs and Robbie Williams sang "Angel" which for some inexplicable reason Robbie twice replaced the word angel with devil.

And Stacey "The Loser" Solomon sang the song "Feeling Good" with Michael Bublé. Bublé remarked afterwards that Stacey was not feeling good because she was extremely pitchy and she actually had hit 14 bad notes.

O'Leary asked Cheryl why she figured Stacey had lost. Cheryl grinned and said to put it simply she lost because she just isn't as good as she thinks she is.

Dannii Minogue jumped in saying that she lost because some of the votes from France some how did not get counted due to the horrendous thunderstorms they had last night.

Walsh replied that the French are always complaining. Simon remarked that Stacey had lost because she is a girl and the girl voters who make up most of the voters vote for guys.

Louis smiled and said that Stacey should have shown much more leg. Simon asked if he was kidding or what. He then noted that if Stacey had shown any more leg they would have been pulled off the air for revealing a contestant's woo-woo.

The ceiling confetti came down. Stacey went out the door with black tears streaming down her cheeks. Cheryl headed for the bathroom as she could hardly move in that extremely tight dress, and George Michael left the studio and drove off to find the nearest park.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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