WANTAGE, New Jersey - Unemployed TV talk show host Lou Dobbs speaking from the front porch of his Wantage chicken ranch house says that he wants to see Tiger Woods birth certificate.
When asked why in the world he needs to see Tiger Woods birth certificate Dobbs becomes somewhat defensive. He asks, "Does Tiger Woods have something to hide? Perhaps he was not born in America? Perhaps he was born in Mexico? and perhaps his name is really not Tiger Woods."
Dobbs managed to get a hold of Tiger's personal manager Mr. Upton Courtquist. Courtquist told Dobbs in no uncertain terms that Tiger Woods birth certificate was none of his damn business.
He then suggested to "Pillsbury Doughboy" Dobbs that he needs to spend his time looking for a job instead of wanting to see peoples birth certificates. He pointed out that there is a two word name for people like him and the name is 'sick pervert.'
Dobbs insisted that he still wants to see "Golf Boy's" birth certificate. Courtquist told Dobbs that he now sees why nobody in the entire country of Mexico likes him, not even his adopted brother Kiko Escritorio, 49, who sells Chiclets Gum on the street corners of downtown Cozumel.
Dobbs corrected Courtquist and said that Escritorio is not his adopted brother, because last year, Kiko had sexual reassignment surgery and Kiko is now his adopted sister Kika.
In other news. Rap singer Snoop Dogg was asked what he thought about the whole sordid Tiger Woods affair. Mr. Dogg smiled and said, "Damns, da skinny little mofoing bro has gots him more bitches dan I gots, shizzle, fashizzle.