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Topics: kirstie alley

Friday, 11 December 2009

image for Kirstie Alley's Belly Doubles After Ass-Reduction Surgery

"Everything happens to me", was heard from a room that we weren't allowed into but could take messages and recordings from the hall of a private clinic in California.

The voice sounded familiar so we thought it was Kirstie but it had more bass than before, so it could have been Lurch. However, someone slipped a small mirror on a folding yardstick and it looked somewhat like Alley, though she was covered up in bed.

"I get my ass sized down to half and it was beginning to look OK but then my stomach began pushing out. I look like "The Family Guy" in drag."

Meanwhile doctors were scurrying in and out and finally one stopped by.

"Would at least 50 of you people go into that room over there until I can talk to this other 50 here jamming up the hall, and you can hear it on my mike in there?"

Dr. Itharchoric then told members of the press that what has happened is that his patient's operation went as well as expected but it had the effect to balloon her tummy since nothing is passing through the tiny tailhole but a spray that would knock down a 300-pound defensive lineman.

He then stated that they would have to go back in and add some of her butt back until they can figure out the proper dimensions.

"This is a relatively new procedure and we will have to give it time to......LOOK OUT! HERE COMES ONE!"

What looked like a huge mixture of ketchup and mustard sprayed the wall and knocked down an overhead light.

"Maybe we should all go into that room back there for our own safety."

But we had already heard an "I'm hit!" and two staff members rushed in to carry out a nurse.

The doc then stated that he would be back in an hour and we could grab a burger and fries in the kitchen while waiting.

But none of us did.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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