HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Nestled high in the Hollywood Hills, in his Spanish style hacienda mansion, named Casa Grandotota, actor George Hamilton remarked to his long time gardener Gaspar that he wants to date every one of Tiger Woods gorgeous 'Golf Gals.'
His gardener looked up at him and asked, "Ju mean ju haven't already boss?"
"Ah bless you Gaspar. You are such a dedicated and devoted employee. And because of that I am hereby increasing your Christmas bonus from $50 to $100."
"Tank ju boss, jur da man."
Hamilton turned to leave and he stopped. He turned back around and told Gaspar that he will check and see if any of the ladies maybe has a sister for him.
The 70-year-old Hamilton was asked how many women would he guess he has gone to bed with in his lifetime. He grins like the Calabasas cat that ate the Covina canary and said that no one will believe him, but he has actually kept track in a blue notebook that he keeps by his bed.
George smiles that sprayed-on smile and says that the number is 18,257.
He was asked that out of all the 18,257, which one was the best. George laughed and said that, that was an easy one. He smacked his lips and said that it was Valerie Beckinfont.
Hamilton said that Val was originally from Pensacola, Florida and she worked as a professional contortionist in Venice Beach. George said that he was sunbathing on the beach when she passed buy on skates. He invited her back to his house.
He said that they got into bed and she was the limberest woman he had ever known. He remembers waking up the next morning with his penis in his left ear. He has no idea how in the world Valerie did it but it sure amazed the hell out of him.
In other news. A spokesperson for El Burro Bravo Pinata Company in Ensenada, Mexico, is reporting that Wal-Mart has placed a rush order for 200,000 Tiger Woods Pinatas.