ORLANDO - Elin Woods has had enough. She packed her things and has left with her two small children.
She told an unnamed neighbor that she cannot stand to hear any more talk about her husband's bitches. Elin said that Tiger has promised her the moon to stay, but she said that she informed him that can leave and still get most of the solar system.
She said that he got down on one knee and said that he would give her $80 million to stay. She laughed and told him that she'll take the $80 million and half of the rest on top of that and still leave.
Elin said that Tiger told her to grab a #5 iron out of his golf bag and hit him with it. She said "Hell no, I'm not one of your stupid bimbos. You better grow up punk and start thinking with what's sitting on your neck instead of what's festering in your pants."
Elin's mother told a reporter for The Orlando Daily Pulp that by the time her daughter gets through dealing with Mr. Tiger Woods, his new name is going to be Mr. Kitty Woods.
Mrs. Woods reportedly told her mother that the thing that triggered the whole incident on Thanksgiving Day was when she accidentally found a case of condom's hidden in one of his golf bags.
When she approached him about the condoms he told her it was so she would not get pregnant.
"You lying mother [EXPLETIVE DELETED BY EDITOR] you know that I had my effen tubes tied, you piece-of-sh*t Hawaiian wannabe!"
It is being reported that Elin Woods is considering selling her story to the National Enquirer. She hinted that there are some pretty kinky things about her husband that she can hardly wait for the world to read about.