Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 8 December 2009

image for Senator John Edwards: "Hey Where The Heck Did Everybody Go?"
Senator John Edwards reportedly told a close aide, "Hell compared to Tiger Woods, I'm Joe Jonas."

BUTTE, Montana - Senator John Edwards was in town to help with the dedication of the brand new 30-foot tall Big Horn Sheep statue.

The statue was erected in honor of the states 30 million big horn sheep which roam around all over the place. You can find big horns in parking lots, school campuses, and in some cases swimming pools.

Senator Edwards talked about how important it is to make sure that the big horn sheep's breeding locales do not go away.

One of the audience members hollered out, "Now just exactly where the hell would the breeding locales go away to?"

Edwards paused. He asked for the interrupters name. "My name is Hattie Mackafinski, and I just turned 101 last Friday Peter."

Edwards congratulated her. He then told her that it was rude to be interrupting when someone was talking. He then said, "Oh and by the way my name is not Peter."

Mackafinski looked at him and hollered back "Well that's not what I've heard."

Everybody in the audience started laughing and clapping. Edwards asked them if they were going to be polite and listen to him speak or if they were going to act like a bunch of damn smelly big horn sheep.

"We'll go with the sheep for $200 Alex" one old-timer hollered out."

"Fine, you local yokels, Senator John Edward of the great state of North Carolina is fixing to leave the building."

"And don't let the friggin door hit you on the ass Peter."

As Senator Edwards made it out to the parking lot, he noticed that for the first time in half a year, there was not one single member of the media there pushing a microphone in his face.

He turned towards his driver and asked, "Hey where the heck did everybody go?'

"Orlando."

In other news. Comedian Tom Arnold commenting on the Tiger Woods mess stated, "Seven gorgeous women, so far. Hey that's no big deal. All I need is two women and I'll have me a damn little threesome."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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