Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 6 December 2009

image for Robert Pattinson In Black Eye Mystery
Ouch!

Your local news reporting team decided that further investigation was warranted when I spotted pics of Twilight star Robert Pattinson sporting what appeared to be a black eye, and horror of all horrors for teens everywhere, sporting a beard!

I immediately contacted my man in Hollywood, Larry Sugarcraft, to find out what was going on, in order to satisfy the insatiable lust for insider 'Rob News' for you, my loyal readers.

Larry Sugarcraft told me:

"I can't be certain about the black eye, but Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart insists that if Robert does indeed have a black eye, then she didn't do it."

Which frankly was inconclusive either way. I also spoke to Hollywood hair stylist, Justin Whoopsy, who went some way towards explaining the beard:

"It's an open secret that Rob isn't particularly keen on washing his hair," Justin Whoopsy told us. "So he probably can't be bothered to shave some days either. My friend Gay Anthony tells me that sometimes Rob can be ever so lazy."

"Hey, dat's funny," A Hollywood Boulevard bum told me over a satellite link. "Somebody blacked his eye and made him grow a beard? The legendary Robert Pattinson? Hey, can you spare a dime buddy?"

I gave up. All a bit pointless really.

More as I get it. Not that I ever had it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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