Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 6 December 2009

image for Strictly Come Dancing Gives London-Born Laila Rouass Her Walking Papers
Laila's home is located just beyond Big Ben.

LONDON - Laila Rouass star of the English TV drama Footballers' Wives is the latest casualty on Strictly Come Dancing.

The 38-year-old was given the heave ho after her and her partner Anton Du Beke performed in a dance off with Ricky "The Comeback Kid" Whittle and his dance partner Natalie Lowe.

Italian judge Bruno Tonioli said that Laila's salsa number was not the least bit hot although dressed in pink dance hall can-can dress she did resemble an older flamingo in heat. But that was the extent of any heat.

Craig Revel Horwood said that he had seen better moves in a gender-bending bar.

The British gentleman Len Goodman told Laila that her dress looked like someone had spilled two gallons of Pepto Bismol on her.

Laila started crying and Goodman told her to suck it up like the London gal she is. Rouass shook her finger at Len and told him that he was just an old geezer who needed to do something about the tremendous amount of wasted space in the crotch of his pants.

Alesha Dixon started laughing and Len hollered out for her to stop encouraging Princess Pink Urinal Tablet who would only have to go a few blocks to get to her residence.

Dixon told Rouass that she was not going to criticize her awful pink dress because there would be no point in it, but she did mention that her red wristbands did look like something that the Parisian whores wore during World War 2.

Bruno turned to Len and asked if the red wristbands had brought back memories.

Goodman grinned and said yes and that the blimey French strumpets had made the British Limey very happy on at least eight or nine lonely nights.

Dixon told Len to grow up and start acting his age instead of his shoe size.

American singer Bette Midler was the featured singer. Midler wore a hideous brown dress that made her look like the world's largest enchilada.

She sang two songs "Boogie Woogie Bungalow Boy" and her big hit "Breast Of Burden" which was written about her then gigantic size 44-DD hooters which had been responsible for her back problems.

And as the credits rolled on the screen Laila turned to Len and shot him the finger as she headed out the studio door for the short walk to her London flat.

In other news. Reports that Simon Cowell is trying to buy Buckingham Palace have been denied by his hair stylist.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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