Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 5 December 2009

image for Jennifer Lopez' Ex-Husband Ojani Noa To Make A Non-Nude Movie About J.Lo
A photo of J.Lo's feet that Ojani took at the exact moment that a cramp hit her right foot.

BROOKLYN - The ex-husband of diva, prima donna, samba dancer J.Lo, Ojani Noa (pronounced OH JOHNNY Go) has said that he has decided to make a full length non-nude film about his 11 month marriage to Jennifer Lopez (pronounced J-LO).

Noa (pronounced NO-AH) who was only 23, when he married the much older Lopez who was 28, said that he has over 80,000 hours of video which he took while he was married to the woman whose ass is so big that it is listed as a historical landmark with the Puerto Rican International Historical Society.

Jennifer has appealed to Ojani to please not make the film because she says that 12 years ago she was nowhere near as pretty or as sexy as she is now.

J.Lo says that her ex-husband has some photographs of her that clearly show major hair damage, a deviated belly button, and both upper thighs completely covered with cellulite,

[EDITOR'S NOTE: She has since had the cellulite removed thanks to a new recently discovered procedure known as an outward liposuction suckalosis. It is quite expensive reportedly costing $214 per each individual cottage cheese bump.]

Meanwhile Ojani Noa has told a reporter for the Brooklyn magazine, Yo Read Dis that when movie goers see his motion picture they are going to be surprised at just how gigantically enormous J.Lo's caboose actually is.

In news from the animal kingdom. A Peruvian explorer Alejandro Del Pescado says that he has discovered the long lost and thought to be extinct Peruvian Sleeping Dung Beetle. Del Pescado was asked for some details and he replied that he found that the Peruvian Sleeping Dung Beetle sleeps a lot and stinks like shit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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