Written by whatinthe world
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Topics: asshole

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

image for van Damme confirmed, at last, as worst asshole
Jean Claude van Damme goes nuts after hearing the news

Brussels, Belgium. Former martial arts champion and occasional actor, Jean Claude van Damme, has been selected by a panel of experts as the world's biggest asshole.

The criterior used in choosing the winner was mainly how many girlfriends a celebrity had waylaid and how many photographers had been abused by them. Van Damme won with a score of 13 and 28 on each respective criterior.

The action movie star was shocked to hear his victory and promised he would visit each of the judges responsible to make thorough amends for damaging his reputation. People close to the celebrity claim that when he first heard the news, van Damme put his fist through a brick wall and then shot 40 strangers with a M-16 automatic.

Critics believe that van Damme has really built a solid reputation off screen for intolerable and reprehensible behaviour. In many ways the award is not a surprise.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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