Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 2 December 2009

image for Tom Jones And Dame Shirley Bassey Blown Away By The Bonkettes In Vegas
BJ Spit And BJ Swallow Pictured Who Knows Where. We Lose Track.

It's chaos here in Las Vegas tonight. Absolute chaos!

The Bonkettes have just finished their latest gig in Caesar's Palace car park, and we've got Welsh legends Tom Jones and Shirley Bassey with us. But this is just mayhem! Caesar's Palace car park is knee deep in jock straps, jockey shorts and Y-fronts.

"That was bloody brilliant that was!" Tom Jones enthused. "Them bloody Bonkettes have the world by the boll-ocks, isn'it? Fan-bloody-tastic Bach!"

"Brilliant boyo!" Dame Shirley seconded. "Wasn'it just! Tiger Bay Yippie Kye Aye!"

"Are they Welsh too then Dame Shirl?" Tom Jones asked, shouting to make himself heard above the clamour.

"I don't bladdy know isn'it Tom you soppy sod!" Dame Shirley squawked. Having a naturally powerful voice it wasn't such a problem for her.

Fighting our way to a hospitality limo we asked Tom and Dame Shirley what the highlights of the show were for them:

"Ah, when BJ Swallow stood up there and did the Bonkettes version of the Aretha classic 'Say A Little Prayer' - Fucking priceless was that. That girl could swallow my wad anytime. I can tell you. Isn'it.'

Dame Shirley told us "It was definitely when they did the reggae version of 'Diamonds Are For Losers' - that was quality. Wasn'it?"

"Isn'it?" Tom added.

"Doesn'it?" Dame Shirley quipped.

"JUST!" they chorused in harmony.


Speaking to Bonkettes lead singer BJ Swallow, who was sucking sensuously on a straw which was dangling loosely in a pint glass of weapons grade uranium, she told us:

"Next stop's the Hollywood Bowl. We should have played it before innit, but the prick wot writes the stories got conflustered. Fick cant."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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