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Tuesday, 1 December 2009

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Stock markets crash

The Dubai stock market plummeted yet again to a record low yesterday amidst fears it's majority investor and financial advisor, Hollywood actor Nicholas Cage has unwittingly outspent both China and America combined.

Dubai, once considered the economic hub of the middle-east is now in financial ruin following reports that it's sole financial backer; Nicholas Cage has "Madoffed".

Rumours around Hollywood have been circulating over the years of Nicholas Cage's passion for possessions and property. A 2009 report by the Financial Times has revealed the figures and properties behind these rumours.

From 2001, Nicholas Cage's financial records reveal he has been spending US$20 trillion a year since. One Wall Street financial advisor who asked for anonymity suggested Nicholas Cages was probably a victim of "Property Bulimia", a rare disease of the rich and famous..

His passion for classic cars and islands led him to buy 100 islands from Philippines, visited Cuba last year and bought it together with all the 6,000 Studebakers, Nash Ramblers, Kaisers and De Sotos - cars declared extinct in the United States long ago are now part of the Nicholas Cage collection. Part of the collection also include the White House, Buckingham Palace, Hagia Sophia in Turkey, the Taj Mahal in India and the Great Wall of China.

His love for jewellery was so great, he bought the US gold reserves in Fort Knox.

His other inter-planetary investments are literally of Galactic proportion, which include the acquisitions of both the North and South poles on Venus, half of the land mass on Mars and the whole moon. Believing he was Superman, he began an ambitious funding of a private space missions that even dwarfed all of NASA's programmes combined, in the hope of finding his home planet Krypton.

If the situation escalates, it is possible that Dubai may enter into a situation where it is actually worse off than Mr Cage's acting prowess.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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